I’ll respect your opinion as long as your opinion doesn’t disrespect my existence.
THIS PHRASE SHOULD BE WRITTEN EVERYWHERE AROUND THE WORLD
cteranodon said: Okay, so I'm /actually/ about to write a porn fic to AO3, and I'm interested in knowing what the difference is between the M rating and E rating. Able to enlighten me?
Mature is ‘and then they made love.’ Explicit is ‘and here’s how they did it exactly.’
To wit: mature.
He looked at the envelope, spread out before him.
God, he’d never been this hungry.
Could he be gentle enough? Slow enough? He didn’t want to damage it, didn’t want to do anything he’d regret… but no, no, it seemed the envelope wanted this as much as he did. It slipped into his hands, it folded as he asked. When it was time for more, the card was waiting, and he somehow knew exactly what to do. He moved with his correspondence in a dance as old as the mail system, and when it was over, he was smiling and the envelope was completely, thoroughly sealed.
The envelope waved its flap in the air slowly, gently, and he could see the faint shimmer of the adhesive traced along its fold. It was like a taunt, a dare: won’t you? And he would, oh, God, he would, lifting the envelope firmly to his lips, licking slowly at first, then faster, more firmly, tasting the envelope’s essence, the faint bitterness, the sweetness to follow—
Oh, he couldn’t help but smile at how it felt in his hands. It was so perfectly folded. Its paper was rough against his fingers, and its crossed folds shifted slightly as it opened for his eager tongue. Yes, yes…
Now the card, and his hand trembled as he lifted it, as he held the envelope, stretching it wide. Would it fit? Oh… oh, yes, it would fit, it slid in smooth and quick and filled the envelope to bursting, oh, made for each other, and he smiled in delight at how perfect it was.
He was ready. Now, now, now: with one swift movement he folded the flap over and he pressed, yes, he pressed the flap down and it stuck, God, it stuck perfectly, and he closed his eyes in bliss.
Afterwards, he stroked the envelope, and thought about addresses.
Oh my god now I want to have sex with my mail.
today i was feeling PISSY AS ALL HELL after work because blah blah everything’s a nightmare blah blah. so i was like, what’s something that real people do after a trying day that’s not just “refresh tumblr until something is either delightful or infuriating enough to elicit an emotional response”? like, idk go for a walk? somewhere nice?
i mean, i have no idea, but i decided to try it out and go to a nature center and have myself a nice lil:
NATURE: FOUR OUT OF FIVE STARS
- shitty wi-fi
- too many mosquitos, like, an unnecessary amount of mosquitos
- can’t stop walking because of the mosquitos because it just gives them a stable surface to land on
- sweating on your buttcheeks because you’re very out of shape but can’t stop walking because of the mosquitos
- when you go into nature, sometimes you feel like, am i doing it right? do i just, like… walk? am i appreciating it right? am i snapchatting it too much? am i not snapchatting it ENOUGH?
- weird sense of deja vu because you just remembered this is the nature center you went to day camp at when you were 8, and there used to be a buffalo and a bald eagle there, but they got sick and died, and you tried to kiss a boy in one of the pavilions by the graveyard, except he pushed you away, and now you can’t even find that particular pavilion to go visit, which doesn’t even matter except suddenly it feels very insulting (BUT THAT MIGHT BE SITUATION SPECIFIC)
- not your house or your couch
- sounds in it are nice if initially unsettling
- feels like you’re doing something because, weirdly enough, you are
- while you’re trotting along and sweating and swatting at bugs and staving off existential despair and reminiscing about past rejections and also starting to compose this shitty post in your head, which at that point only amounted to “SHITTY WIFI, TOO MANY BUGS,” you look up and all of a sudden:
- this deer is like three feet away looking at you, like, DEADASS in the eyes, very knowingly
- the deer doesn’t give a shit that you’re there
- you hang out and make weird eye contact with the deer for a while, even though the mosquitos are biting, because like, this feels like a MOMENT
- then the deer wanders away
- and you realize your shitty glib “nature sux” post isn’t gonna cut it because actually it’s pretty cool and weirdly you do feel a lot better
- plus then you get to instagram the deer
Can I review a review because this gets six out of five stars